miracletome on Xanga

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Plenty Of Fish pt. 1

So I may or may not have talked about this in my previous post but because i have been on plenty of fish for a while, i decided to do little updates on the dates i've been on. Why? Because well...they are interesting. I would have never met people like them if it wasnt for POF.

I believe my first date that i remember from POF was around Sept of 2011. I had to think about it, but now i remember, his name is Brian. He lives in the city (nyc) um, not IN the city but somewhere around it...and lived with a roommate who was in residency.

To sum him up, he was a little short for my taste, bulkyish, and walked a little funny. He has a beard and i would say an average looking guy. He also has a masters in accounting and works as an accountant at some place. So i guess he has a good head on his shoulders.

He seemed to be very, hm, i dont know how to put it but not cheap...but now rich...hahaa. He took us to a restaurant near his place that well known for their burgers and it was a little place that was packed. His place was nice and looked a little expensive. I believe i ended up sleeping at his place that night. Obviously we made out, but we didnt have sex. We had a lot of fun that night though. I dont know, we didnt do much but i remmeber laughing a lot and just having an overall good time. He texted me the next day saying he had a lot of fun and couldnt wait to hang out again.

The next time we hung out i remember was not as fun, i dont quite remember what we did, but it was not AS fun. We went to Pacha, a club but we didnt buy the ticket in advance so it happened to cost about $60 a person. I felt bad so i just said we should just go chill at his place. Both our expectations for the 2nd date, esp his, were very high. But we didnt have that much fun. i guess this is what happens when your expectations are almost to the stars. how pathetic.

We then stopped talking slowly. But i think one random night i was bored and texted him saying Hi and it caught him off guard and he was a little shocked to hear from me. I said we should hang out again. Then for some reason the topic of sex came up. To be honest, i was curious what sex was like with him. I mean, hes not ugly.

A week or something later, he came to my campus to pick me up to chill. That night we ended up having sex. It was not that great. I was actually disappointed. After that we never talked again. Haha. Im not hurt by it though, i didnt like him like that to be "hurt" by it.

So yeah there yaaa go, my first encounter (i think) on POF.

Wednesday, 09 May 2012

How I sum up my 1st and 2nd year of college.

(not school related)

Freshmen year = trying new things and hooking up year
Sophomore year= depressing and boyfriend hopping year

In conclusion, living on the other side of campus SUCKS. I basically disappeared from my friends and got difficult to hang out with them because of the distance (even though its only a 10-15 mins walk), talk about LAZY. Had few boyfriends this year, hated most of them afterwards, yadda yadda yadda. Grades are looking okay/good/not complaining.

BYE SOPHOMORE YEAR. IT WAS WHATEVER.

Friday, 04 May 2012

i think it's that time again

I broke down uncontrollably last night for few hours.
woke up at 6/7 due to a nightmare and cried for about an hour.

why does this happen to me?

my boyfriend basically broke up with me. i know its for the better though but for now, it just hurts so damn much.

it hurts soooo much i never felt this way. and im also never this way. mostly because when other girls are like this, i roll my eyes. but now its happening to me. its much deeper issue then just "my boyfriend broke up with me and now i have no one" it all just hit me last night. one of the reason being i depend on my boyfriend a lot and i need to be my own person

i am normally a VERY independent person, ask my roommate. i do most things alone. such as go to class (not with a friend), eat in the dining hall alone, and study alone/ get things done alone. but i just realized yesterday and this morning while bawling my eyes out... I... depended on my boyfriend a lot for fun and went to school just for school. I realize, as sad as it sounds, i don't have that best friend in college. Thank god school is over in a few days. I do have friends, but not the very close friendships that i am looking for.

I also don't have any siblings so my longest relationship in life will be with my friends/bf/husband. This makes me so sad. Partly because siblings will never stop being your siblings. friends/bf/husband come and go. I had a nightmare last night that my mom left me and so did my dad. I dont know why. but thats why i woke up 6/7 and started crying again.

Anyway, i'm going to stop typing in my journal. I have a formal to go to tonight for my frat. (hope its fun) and my eyes/face is already swollen as it is from crying all night. Dont need to cry more. Hope my face calms down a bit...

Thursday, 12 April 2012

girls are...

bitches.
that is all.

and why do i want to join a social sorority anyway? i guess i want that girly girl relationship. i want a group of people that i can hang out with at all times and we will always be there for each other. i would never have to eat at a huge dining hall alone. or have that group of girls to go out with at night. i am a girly girl at times but i also do have my man-moments.
most importantly, i just want that group of girls as true friendships bonded by a sorority. i understand that not everyone in sororities are all best friends for life. i know what its like. im in an co-ed frat. its just not doing anything for me though. to be honest, im not buddy buddy with 80% of my org. it's sad. but theres nothing i can do about it. thats just how it is. i learned to accept it. we are different from social orgs and we hardly do anything fun. i try my hardest so they can get to know me better. but i guess its been "awhile" and they dont want to get to know me better? a lot of people in my org are clicky as well. I honestly joined Greek life to have fun. why? Because i wanted that full college experience. i am very well rounded at my academic life. i have noooo problem with grades, getting good grades, obtaining good grades, and making connections academically. however, its a bit difficult for me to have fun without that group of girls to bond with. I used to have that group in freshmen year. but after that we just got busy with school life and kinda faded. its okay though, we are still friends :)

Next year, Im going to be a RA, taking 5 classes, and really want to pledge for a social sorority. I only want to go national. just like my co-ed frat. But my college campus isnt that big, such as Rutgers so we only have about 5 national sororities, i believe. And i dont love any one of them, in particular. So im basically stuck. I cant wait to rush next semester. i'm ready.

Coming into college, i created a to-do list before i graduate college. these things consist of: Getting a boyfriend (Done), Becoming an RA for freshmens (done), Joining co-ed frat (done), Becoming a peer leader, and joining a sorority.

Sunday, 08 April 2012

it's easter today (:
life's been good so far.

just been up to school related things and boyfriend on the weekends. except this weekend. i miss him. i feel like he doesnt want to pick me up from school anymore just because its 2 hr and hes getting tired of it =\

i've been feeling a little bit (or a lot) isolated from my friends this sophomore year. i hope this changes next year. but for some reason something tells me it will be the same since i will be an RA...we'll see.

hm. i just miss hanging out with a bunch of friends. miss hanging out in groups.

i've been clubbing with my friend, Joey lately. we went to Pacha this past Thurs night. it was alright... trance isnt really my thing though.